being that guy since 1982

I should have gone to see Coldplay tonight! I have been reminded from 2 different people that I am missing out! Son of a bitch.

I am starting to get hungry and it is looking more and more like I’m going to be eating ALONE for lunch!

I’ll leave you with my lunch time survey from yesterday:

When was the last time you cried? When Tommy was sleeping in my bed and stole the FUCKING sheet
Have you ever faked sick? Ya, and my mom stopped believing me
What was the last lie you said? I was selling The KungFu Panda dvd set to a customer and was totally lying about the prices becuase I had no idea what they were! Then they asked me about the prices of batteries! I LIED! I HAD NO IDEA! But they could tell and they were smiling because I was smiling harder.
Have you ever cried during a movie? When it comes to watching movies I am a capital pussy and kinda get caught up in them. So ya, I do. Make fun of me, I dares you.
Have you ever danced in the rain? Ya, I was just a silly boy.
Have you ever been drunk? I don’t drink. It’s disgusting. Oh wait.. I do that.
Do you smoke? Get that shit outta my face!
What is your full name? Jonathan Edward Mossie.
It’s rad and it’s gnarly and it’s tubular in one package
What is your blood-type? hawt (Thanks to my broseph ole for being the scientific one in the family)
Have you ever been in a car accident?
This is probably the scariest story ever friends. One night. It was a dark night, the temperature was a cool 35 degrees. The moon was half cocked and the stars were covered by a cloak of clouds that would ever so lightly allow one or two shine to let you know that the sky was watching. The 1987 dodge lancer fired it’s engines bellowing out a sound of fury when the accelerator was pressed. The sound of DEMONS silenced the evening air, letting the night know that the dodge lancer was active and everyone should take notice. Jon Mossie sat in his seat, putting his seat belt on. He clutched the cold leathery steering wheel and looked at himself in the rear view mirror gritting his teeth, letting himself and the car know it was business time. With a fast devilish jerk he threw the lancer into reverse and nailed the accelerator. The car made it 3 feet before the sounds of crashing TITANS overcame the roar of the lancer. Jon Mossie looked up in a daze and realized when he was menacingly looking at himself in the rear view mirror that he forgot to notice his dad’s truck parked behind him and he was soon to be grounded… FOR LIFE
How old were you when you recieved your first kiss? Kindergarten. That age.
Oh man!
Who was your first kiss? Her name was Jackie Middleton.
Have you ever had an online relationship? I’ve flirted with some AOL babies before.
Have you ever been rejected by a crush? Ya.. They do not know what they are missing! I am so much more boring once you get to know me!!
What is your favourite sport to play? Skipping
Have you ever made a prank phone call? You might as well ask me if I’ve always been hilarious
Have you ever said “I Love you” and not meant it? I say it to twill daily. What I mean to say is, “I can’t wait for the day that you and are are drunk and alone and I can tell you how MUCH I love you and the next day blame it on alcohol and hey maybe we should goto hooter’s and get some wings but really look at chicks”.
Is there anything that you have done that you regret? Yes, I regret starting this rather than going to eat lunch with ole right away, I’m getting a tad on the hungry side.
What do you want to be when you grow up? I would say my life GOAL was to become a store services manager for a retail chain. Dream accomplished team.
Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in banging at first sight, I wish more people would buy into this one though, it’s getting awkward when I start taking off my pants when I meet someone and they look at me with sad and confused stares
Do you believe in karma? I do believe in this
Who was your first crush? Mandy Moore. She is going to marry me one day.
What are you afraid of? I was afraid of this ceramic clown when I was younger and I would have dreams that this thing wanted to take some pliars to my wiener. I can’t tell you why, but it haunts me and if you saw this fucking thing you would cover your wiener too. Even if you are a chick, you would imagine you had a wiener and cover it.
Are you religious? Raised Catholic, but I think they would kick me out if I walked into church right now, if they haven’t already kicked me out.
What does your screen name mean? Curve000. Curve is for the cologne I wear, 000 is for how awesome I am. 3 digits awesome. It’s better than my previous screen names like Moss141516. This was to emphasize the fact that when I turned 16 I would never be on the computer again. Here’s a hint, that did not happen. Twill and I have a hearty ROFL over that screen name to this day.
What person do you trust the most? My doods. Except tommy when’s he’s drinking cause I gotta cover my nuts and hold onto my shirts at the same time.
Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I dated some babies in grade school.
You know, if you aren’t too busy, can I hold your hand this friday night?
What is the best compliment you have ever recieved? Jon you are the ultimate badass and no one can ever achieve what you have/can. Given by me in the mirror everyday.
What is the meanest thing anyone has said about you? In grade school I was called “Fat Chance”. Because I was fat and they had nothing else to add but chance. What happened to the kid? Fucking murdered.
What is the longest crush/relationship you have had? Mandy Moore’s crush is life long. Relationship was over 2 years.
What is your greatest strength? Very athletic
What is your greatest weakness? Personality
What is your perfect pizza? Cheeseburger pizza or Taco Pizza or BBQ pizza or Stuffed Crust anything
What is your first thought when waking up in the morning? Holy Shit, who did I quantum leap into THIS TIME
What is your first thought before you go to bed? Speaking of no one’s looking…. It’s a quote from Tommy Boy you are welcome.
What college do you want to go to? The college of never again academics university
Do you get along with your family? We get along
Do you play any instruments? The recorder, the broken string guitar and the pan with rubber bands on it.
What kind of music do you like? XM Ethel and Lucy and that stuff
Would you ever get a tattoo? I may someday
How many piercings do you have? NONE
Who makes you laugh? Just about everyone if they tell a good joke
Who would you want to be tied to for 24hours? My laptop and phone
Have you ever seen a dead body? yes
Do you have a celebrity crush? MANDY MOORE
What is one thing scientists should invent? teleporting (nice maria)
Have you ever broken a bone? Sprained my ankle playing some basketball, and then I had to wear an air cast and I was made fun of A LOT
What happens after you die? You haunt mother fuckers that tortured you as a kid.
Do you watch or read the news? I also get the news on my phone
What stereotype would you label yourself as being? I have been called preppy a good amount. And to them I say fuck the system and let’s go dance in blood.
Would your friends agree with that stereotypic label? no
If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Sting Ray (it was my pretend name as a child)
If you could go back in time to one point in your life, where would you go? I would have slapped myself before starting this shit
If you could change anything about yourself, what would you change? My inability to fly
Have you ever gone skinny dipping? yes
Would you ever lie to someone to make them feel good about
themselves? Yes
What do you want your friends to think about you? This guy is my GUY!
HAve you ever bitten someone? Yes and it was h to the o to the t
Have you ever stolen anything? A peanut and a doughnut
Do you make wishes on shooting stars? Just when people yell out “Make a wish!”
If you could go back and change one day, what would it be? I DON’T KNOW!!!
Do you remember your dreams? Most of the time. Especially the wiener clown.
Have you ever been in love? yes i have
Are you a morning person or a night person? night
Do you have any phobias? Heights to an extent
Have you ever been to the hospital (other then birth)? Tonsils removed and rib chicken nugget checked out
Do any medical problems run in your family? yes
Have anyone ever been disowned from your family? That would be a hilarious thing, but negative
Have you ever had a nightmare? Yes.
SEE CLOWN
Do you say meaner things to your friends or your enemies? haha I also hate everyone
Have you ever cheated on your bf/gf? Negatory
Have you ever laughed so hard you peed in your pants? no
Have you ever written a love letter? Yes, I’m a queer.
But a romantic queer
Have you ever attempted suicide? No,
Do you prefer boxers or briefs? noxers, briefs will reduce your sperm count
Have you ever been in a fistfight? Slap fight.
Got in trouble by principal
Do you have any hidden talents? I can chug beezos
What is one thing you want me to know about you? I am pretty gnarly
Do you usually prefer books or movies? Movies
Who is your favourite person to talk to? I got friends for different flavors
Would you ever have sex before marriage? YES.
DO IT NOW
Who do you talk to most on the phone? I don’t talk i text the shit out of shit
Do you prefer british or american spelling of words? american
Have you ever gotten detention? Yes
How do you vent your anger? I punch children
Have you ever been on a diet? Yes and I lost 80 pounds!
Would you ever date someone younger than you? Older than you? I’ve done younger only and I’m not a sexual predator
Is your best friend a virgin? He’s a slut
Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? Yes
Have you ever cut yourself on purpose? Yes
Have you ever wanted to murder someone? Yes
Have you ever hated someone? Yes
Do you prefer talking on the phone or online? text
Would you ever tell the person you have a crush on that you like them? I usually do
Have you ever had a crush on an enemy? Yes
Have you ever had a crush on a best friend? Yes
What is your favourite book? Yes
Do you have a collection of anything? Yes
Are you happy with the person you are becoming? Yes
Are you a different person now then you were 5 years ago? Yes
What do you see yourself as being in 5 years from now? Finishing this survey
Are you happy with the life you have? I’m the bestest in the midwestest

… My chest… Not all the way, but a number 1 guard if you will.

Speaking of that, I bought tickets to The Night the Buzz Stole Christmas so I can listen to the sweet sounds of Jack and his mannequins. Plus, I also like the band The Airborne Toxic Event a lot. And I am now listening to Anberlin and am ALSO liking THAT! There are 2 other bands coming that I will need to listen to and get a good gauge on my liking with them. Why thank you! I know I have the best taste in music ever.

Last weekend was fun and relaxing and alcoholic.

Obama won.

Twill is dating.

I bought sparkling flavored water and it has 0 down the board on the nutrition facts.

New pictures in the picture bins.

Enjoy and smile

I just wanted to say Happy Halloween to all my little bitches.

I will more than likely be drunk tonight. I think that’s something we can all smile about.

If you think about it, start writing me a drunk text then realize it’s a horrible idea right before you send it and hit end.

Thanks!

Hi there. So you would think that since I only got 2 hours of sleep last night that I would probably be pretty tired. Tired enough to lay in bed and not wake up till I had to goto work tomorrow, right? Well that’s not the case.

Allow me to give you a little back story so we can lay out exactly why I won’t sleep. So last night after work, and after me closing mind you, a group of employees and myself met up at old chicago to see off a few employees that are leaving the company. I was there until about 12am after leaving the store around 11pm. I had a few beers, one which I chugged and almost barfed on myself to prove that I could still chug, and then was made to have another before I left. I then drove back to lsmo where I told my friends I would stop by to a house warming party. I then proceeded to have 2 more beers and shit loads of tiny Halloween snicker bars. I said hellos and goodbyes, felt a pregnant stomach and drove back home where I immediately crashed around 1:30am. But don’t worry I got texted around 2am just to make sure I was awake. After 13 seconds of sleep, I awoke and went to work.

I was fine, I had my vitamin and granola bar and had a good amount of energy. We led a pretty sweet morning meeting and then I called my boss who gave me a great idea to have my other manager bring me some coffee to keep me going. I made the call. He shows up with a large white chocolate mocha with 3 shots of espresso. I take it down, pretty much chugging the drink. I could feel a blast of energy start shooting through me within 15 minutes. I also felt a blast as I immediately ran to the bathroom. I decided it was a good time to take my lunch.

I get to the break room and start warming my shrimp scampi. Someone comes to the break room and starts asking me about a certain Chiefs player and then goes on to talk about next years draft and who’s available. I have absolutely no idea what the fuck he is talking about and stare at him smiling and nodding. Next time people start talking to me about sports and players on the team, I’m going to tell them that the fantastic four is thinking about picking up spider man and ask them what their thoughts are on it.

I eat my noodles and the other manager tells me to take an extra 30 cause he knows I’m probably pretty exhausted. I lay down on the couch and try to fall asleep. The caffeine starts to take hold. I am laying on the couch trying to sleep and my body starts shaking. I am laying there in some sort of caffeine trance with my eyes closed. I must have been in and out of consciousness because before I knew it, the time was up and I went out to the floor. My mind was going a million miles an hour and I couldn’t stand still. The other manager found this very hilarious.

During this time I also decide that I found a huge issue with pricing on appliances and that I had to tell the entire district. Well the cool thing about that is, the district manager had already sent out an email, and there was a big notice on our computers about the error already? Did that stop me? Hell no! So I sent out the email and surprisingly no one said “Hey Jon, nice find! You saved the company millions of dollars!”. I felt pretty smart after I found out that went on. So I finished out my shift mindlessly walking around talking to myself on the sales floor and then went home. I ate dinner with my dood and then passed the fuck out for an hour.

NOW, there is no way that I will fall asleep before 2am. That’s the story and I will probably drink coffee again because it’s the closest thing to speed that I can get cheap and legally.

My theme song is “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles.  It’s true because a survey told me so

Hello my fellow nerds. I would like to take time out of your life to listen to me about ordering At&t Uverse.

The other day I went to my friend Aaron Hoskins house and saw his new deck. The new deck was tight and all, but what really caught my eye was the nerd fest Uverse television and internet he had. Through the Uverse DVRs, you can record up to 4 shows at once. Plus it has a fast interface with cool onscreen items like weather, traffic, stocks, etc.

Being a total nerd ass, I had to have it. So after talking with Twill for a few seconds and not talking to my other roommate at all, I ordered it today. We are receiving the top tier televison and top tier internet package which equals up to over 164 a month. Additionally, we are getting 3 extra receivers since you can’t even watch basic cable on your other televisions without them. You’d haveta get rabbit ears. And rabbit ears suck dick.

Realizing this almost through the entire order, I stopped and told the salesman how we are paying nearly the same amount for the same deal now, without the additional boxes (which are 5 dollars extra per box per month). Saying this, he threw me a better savings bundle more than the 200 dollars cash back. He lowered the bill 20 bucks per month for 6 months, which essentially makes the boxes free for a year.

It will be installed on the 18th of November, hopefully it’s fast and sweet.

That’s my story! Better than anything Tommy ‘Make-out Queen’ Dalton can do.

I cleaned my room up a bit. Put an air freshener in, dusted and vacuumed. It looks better, but there is still a lot of clutter around my closet.

On a COMPLETELY unrelated note, Molly is coming over to watch some more True Blood tonight. And now I’m pretty fucking tired after all that, I’m glad I did it all before sitting down. Shit… I stripped my sheets, which means I’m going to haveta wash them and dry them before I put them on my bed. Well doesn’t that suck.

Oh well.

True Blood. Someone finish cleaning my room and then head down to my car and finish that up.

Thanks.

Hi there, changed the theme up here at jonmossie.com

Enjoy it.

I shit in the woods last night.