being that guy since 1982

Linda just hung up on me and is being a super bitch and now I’m going to write a sweet poem about her.

I once met a stupid ass asian,
She suddenly gave me a sick sensation.
Trying to remember where it all began,
I believe it was when I found out she ate dirt worms from a can.

When I met her as a barfly,
I had no idea she had a thing for popeye.
I went on to question the size of her brain,
After I realized she danced to the sound of the bathtub drain.

Ever since she was a little runt,
She has had a problem with a grunt.
While young girls would be squeezing fresh lemons
Linda imagined fucking Richard Simmons.

Why would anyone eat Burger King whoppers?
Miss Piggie would just deepthroat grasshoppers.
I found out if I really wanted to charm her,
I just needed to dress up like a pig farmer.

I almost denied her a thrust from my pelvis,
Until she gave me her impersonation of elvis.
Now I can only hope that just maybe,
Weasel will end up having my baby.

Everything that was brilliantly rhymed above is all true. Linda is going to attempt to spit some rhymes on me, but have no fear, the only person that will need a burn unit is Linders.

Argh, this 1 day off thing kinda sucks. Throughout the Holiday season, managers only have 1 day off and work the 6 other days.

I did what I wanted to today, which was pretty much jack shit and various other errands.. but I need another day to not do stuff. We are working shorter shifts because of the extra day, but it’s still in excess of 50-60 hours.

I will be happy when the Holiday’s are over, I think retail kinda ruined my “Holiday spirit”

Oh well, I like the people I work with atleast

Word to your parents

I should have gone to see Coldplay tonight! I have been reminded from 2 different people that I am missing out! Son of a bitch.

Cold hamburgers and hot dogs was a terrible idea.

Drew Carey sucks. He’s not funny and this is intensified by 145,000 percent with him on the Price is Right.

… Wrinkle free clothes come with wrinkles? Anyone notice that? Anyone gonna call bullshit on this? Call me Louie Anderson.

I got barf on my pants from carrying nathan around! I didn’t get much sleep last night! I lost 100 dollars! I’ll be in a dark dungeon working on computers if anyone needs anything!

The good news? I get to hang out with Molly tonight.

That’s a line from Vampire Weekend’s Oxford Comma.

This music makes me think about being either lakeside or on a beach by the ocean. I would take either one right now. I know I just went on a vacation not too long ago, but my god… I need another one. And a free one. PLEASE?! In order to make it as cheap as possible, I’m just going to have to go to the lake.

You know what? Maybe next week I will do just that on my days off. I could probably get Shiz to go with me atleast. Ugh. Probably not though. Having my days off is about the worst possible thing in the world. No one is off when I’m off. Tears of sadness. It was a thought. Now I’m depressed. I went from listening to this song and feeling happy to being depressed. I need some more v8 fusion. Oh a new song is on. My spirits are lifting.

On my imaginary trip to the lake I’m going to listen to Vampire Weekend the entire time I am there.

I’m out of Irish Spring Squirt Soap. Now I have to go to the store and buy more! You did this to me Jesus! Have a good Memorial Day my friends.