Jon Mossie

A few weekends ago, USS Linda and I headed to Tennessee for some drunken fun. It was a road trip… an 8 hour long road trip. Linda being the mom that she is, packed things like snacks, waters and other goodies. That alone made it like a REAL ROADTRIP… oh and her playing her fucking iPhone games the entire way while I drove and listened to country music, watching her bob and dance to her favorite songs as I clenched my fists in ferocious anger.. and love.

We drove and drove and drove until we were an hour out, in Arkansas. Does anyone else say AR-KANSAS, when they say Arkansas? Cause I sure the fuck do, and think you should all try the same thing. Linda, being the whore alcoholic she is thought we should get some booze and drink some for our arrival in Memphis. Me, being the alcoholic dickhead that I am, agreed.

We stop at some place called like Buster’s Alcohol and Tackle or something and get out. We walk into the place and I immediately bolt out realizing I left my car keys in the car. When I run back inside, I realize we are being looked at. We are ‘that mixed couple’ that everyone talks about in the big city. Linda is chinesque and I don’t think they have seen one of them since the war. I was wearing my soggy driving clothes; geek squad t-shirt, jeans, doc martins. Linda gets up to pay for the alcohol that we are purchasing and one of the patrons looks at me and says, “Isn’t that shirt from that San Francisco region?”. I start to correct the gentleman, letting him know where geek squad started, the story behind it, etc, and Linda stops me and nods at me to let me know to shut the fuck up. Wondering why she did it, I quickly shrugged it off as the booze was handed to Linders. We made our exit and got into the car and Linda turns to me and says, “Do you realize that that guy was calling you gay?” I took a brief moment to think, and realized she is right. Fuck you Arkansas.

We get some MACDonalds cups and get back on the road sipping our sizzurp. We arrive in Memphis! I’m kinda tipsy because I’m a lightweight bitch and start to check in. We start causing a scene right away in the hotel lobby. Linda and I are doing our normal banter back and forth. The lady checking us in laughs and asks us how long we’ve been together. We tell her that we are brother and sister. I knock Linda’s drink all over her accidently and we retreat to our room. We take care of room business and head to the hotel bar for some drinks. We find a nice couple who tells us what to do while we are in Memphis. We continue to pound drinks and get ready to hit up some Memphis BBQ and Beale Street.

We arrived at Rendezvous which was about a block away from Beale street. The food was pretty delicious. Admittedly, I was pretty hammered at this point. I did continue to scarf the food we had. We started with a sausage and cheese with crackers spicy platter. Then we went on to the dry ribs. I’ve never really eaten dry ribs before, but these were delicious. So delicious I put hot sauce on them to make them more delicious. I like my stuff with sauce, what can I say!

We left there and headed to Hammeredtown, TN. Beale street is the actual name. We started at some place that had a lot of plates on the wall. I quickly stopped looking at them when I saw the beers coming to my face that I drank. It was pretty fucking cold, so we decided to sit on an outside patio. The patio area was actually pretty nice. It had couches to sit on and it even had it’s own set of country hicks for us to talk to. The group talked to us for a little bit and we left quickly after they started talking.

We then headed to another bar that I remember nothing of other than our bartender’s name, JJ. I might have even screwed that up.. Why is that? Well besides my inability to remember any person’s name, I also have an asian girlfriend that will NEVER finish her own shots and hands them to me to finish them. So what happens is I turn into a sloppy pile of wastoid. We get to the bar, the bartender does a bunch of flair bartending while I slobber on myself and try to hold myself up on Linda’s shoulder. I then hit the dance floor and embarass myself, have someone tell me I look like Danny from American Idol (no idea who that is) and then come back just in time to see Linda getting penetrated by every man that walked into the bar in the past 3 minutes. Linda wipes her mouth and introduces me to the guy that just came up and started talking to her, I find this a good time to stumble out of the bar and update my facebook status.

Well the next few hours kinda gets hazy. I stumble back into the bar, Linda hands me death, I drink death, stumble around some more, make it downstairs with her, walk across the street to another bar, plop down at a table, sit there and hold my head for a long time, stand over a jukebox like a zombie, get lost in a bathroom, stumble onto the street, almost get hustled by some guy, hail a taxi and pass out in Linda’s lap. Linda then finds it important to get ciggs at the most dangerous gas station ever, get back into the cab, somehow manage to move my ass into the hotel room, and lay me in bed.

I think I might have snored in her face that night. You’re welcome.

Day 2 coming soon.

Well, here’s a story for the kids….

While I was in St. James a few weekends ago, it was smack dab in the middle of Easter. Susan, Linda’s sister, did not want to have Easter baskets for the kids because it sucked and lots of other reasons. Linda told me this and of course since I’m super Catholic and love the Easter story so much, I could not allow this, right? Actually, I just thought it would be cool to still give all their kids candy somehow, so I came up with AN IDEA.

My idea’s of course are always pretty baller, so my idea was to have Easter Piñatas instead. This would allow the kids to beat the ever living shit out of something and get some candy in the process. Get the energy out and still give them candy, I thought to myself.

The idea went over well with the Sue-Factor and we decided to move forward. We found a Parrot and a Palm Tree at the Wal-Mart in Rolla. Pretty Easter themed. We purchased the candy and Piñatas and  put them aside for THE DAY.

Easter came, a delicious meal was prepared and eaten, and it was about time to hang the Piñatas for a little Easter fun. Well, first we had to get totally shitboned at the local VFW. Linda, her dad and I went to the VFW and drank. I had to drink the most disgusting piece of shit ever, a Gentleman Jack shot. When I was handed this shot I looked at them both and let them know that if I took this shot, there was no shit about it, I was going to barf. This isn’t a “ha ha oh Jon you are funny”, this is a “I fucking hate whiskey and will vomit… probably on you..” warning.

I slammed the shot and must have called upon my inner Easter fest I just ate, made 13 different gag reflex faces and stomached the shot. Well after that I was fucking rip roaring ready to hang some piñatas.

We get back to the house and try to decide where to hang it. I make the suggestion for the basement since it’s out of the way of things that would get destroyed in the house. Linders and I head downstairs with some twine to hang it up. We scout for a location to hang the island piñatas and find a perfect spot in front of the washer and dryer.

I stand on the chair and start to hang the piñata. Linda finds this a good time to unzip my pants and fellate me. I look down, realize what’s happening and think.. “Hmm.. should I keep hanging this piñata?”. Well I started too.. But, how much focus can I give a palm tree filled with candy at this time? I mean if I was my normal fat ass self I would have just started biting the plam tree at this point, but I lost a few lbs and a hot asian was taking care of business now, so things were different.

Some time passed, I was barely holding onto the piñata and it was loosely tied. Everything that was about to happen, happened fairly quickly.

*SNAP*
”OW”
”OW”
Linda was bent over holding her head and I had an unbelievable pain coming from my crotchal region.

The piñata had dropped, not only nailing Linda’s head, but my head too.. The other head.

Talk about your mood ruiners… we headed back upstairs, defeated.

Hey team.. It’s been a minute, huh? Have no fear. Some content updates coming along with some stories to make my family squirm. Love you all

Today marks a momentous occasion. I wore a teal shirt to work today. Atop of this teal shirt, laid a nice black tie.

I got this shirt from Express. A nice gay man picked it out for me saying “This makes your eyes look great”. This is all I had to hear of course, and didn’t need to try it on, but try it on I did. Linda gave a smirk, a smirk that would make you think, “Hmm. Is she doing that because she’s thinking, oh man, I got the hottest dude ever? Or is she smirking because she thinks I look like a capital Douche bag?” Not giving a shit really what her opinion was at all, and sticking with the gay man, I took the shirt.

Today I finally got to try it on. I ironed it out fairly nicely the night before, to ensure there were no wrinkles. There were still wrinkles. I will leave ironing to Linders Ironing, Inc. from here on out. I walked into work and from the outside doors, I already saw the employees staring. Immediately I was greeted with good remarks. These remarks continued throughout the entire day. I only received a few negative remarks. Some were from the geek squad nerds. And some were from my friends. Oh and some were my girlfriend. But she now insists that she’s kidding.

So from the above I have gathered the following:

The people at work were fucking sucking up to me because they work for me and think that they need to be nice to me, while my friends outside of work look at me with utter disgust and disappointment as I frolic around in my teal shirt.

My response:

I think I look pretty fucking good.

Teal is here to stay, friends. Next stop fuchsia!

Well hello there friends.

Have you ever had one of those days? You know the ones I am talking about.. You wake up and things seem off from the get go. It pretty much sets the mood for the rest of the day. Anything that happens shitty to you, just intensifies the  feeling by 100 rather than the normal 10.

I’m here to tell you that it’s going to be okay… Why?

Because you didn’t leave the DMV with these plates and have to drive around in them:

I drove up on this person’s ass so I could click this pic. I’m sure they are thrilled.

Quite a topic changer, but we need to talk….

So I was informed that Linda gets questioned a lot that people think I am a homersexual. In fact, there is even an act of surprise when Linda tells them I’m not. This is a story I have shared with you all, nothing new to you..

Well we have gone on to do some field research on this. Linda recently acquired an iPhone from her sister and broseph-in-law. On this iPhone you can get applications. One of the applications Linda has on this phone is a rating system. This rating system allows you to upload a picture of yourself and have people rate you on your looks and leave you comments. You can get either a thumbs up or thumbs down, leave a comment and even send a picture directly to that person.

Linda took a picture of me on Wednesday and put it up on the system. We had been looking through the pictures and we saw a girl left a headline on her photo of “Tell me what you want”. Finding that hilarious, we put that up as mine as well. Fairly quickly I received 2 thumbs-ups and a comment. The comment was from a dude and it said “Ur Penis =D”, clearly in response to my Tell me what you want question. The thumbs ups and comments continued to flood in.. THEY WERE ALL FUCKING GAY DUDES.

We received a picture, it was a dude looking down at his body under the sheets with his hand under the covers. Gross enough.. so Linda decides it’s a perfect time to send this guy a photo response of my clothed crotch while I am driving… She’s not helping my case…  I get back a naked man thigh.

Lunch yesterday, Linda and I are enjoying a delicious plate of fried lasagna.  Perfect time to whip out the iPhone, take a picture of me and add the caption “I want ur cock”, right? Well Linders certainly thought so. Immediately after posting my picture on there, we are given thumbs up and then it happens. Pictures of throbbing cocks, naked men in the mirror, and dudes staring creepily from their bed into the camera start flooding in. Linda almost hurls 97 times reading through the messages.

At this point, there is no point trying to fight it as the entire iPhone hotornot rating system populous find a dude by the name of Lin Packard and my mug to be a homosexual. So we do what is probably the best idea ever. We get hammered, goto Denny’s, order Cappuccinos, rub whip cream on and around my mouth, pose seductively and send off some fucking photo responses.

Seriously people, I have no clue why you think I’m gay.

On Thursday, I found myself doing something that I hardly ever do… I was driving the speed limit on the highway. In fact, I might have been going around 5 under. I was completely zoned out and not paying attention to anything. Usually when I’m zoned out and driving, I end up looking down and see that I am driving around 80 - 85 without even realizing.

I left early from work and was driving aimlessly around Kansas and Missouri. I was trying to put my head around a lot of things and struggle with the emotions from the phone call I just finished with Linda.

Without going into the details of everything, I will just share with you the end result. Linda and I lost the baby.

It’s a pretty big hit to us. It is something we wanted and were getting very excited for. What’s more, is that there was such an excitement built up about it from you all that made us very appreciative to have such great people supporting us. However, just like you were there for us when she was pregnant, you were also there for us when we found out the latest. Thank you for that.

It’s Monday. Linda and I are doing well with dealing with it. It’s easier for me to deal with things because although I have to deal with the emotional part, Linda has to deal with the emotional and physical part of it. Send her all your thoughts, and if you have one or two left over when you’ve done that, I’ll take one.

Linda just hung up on me and is being a super bitch and now I’m going to write a sweet poem about her.

I once met a stupid ass asian,
She suddenly gave me a sick sensation.
Trying to remember where it all began,
I believe it was when I found out she ate dirt worms from a can.

When I met her as a barfly,
I had no idea she had a thing for popeye.
I went on to question the size of her brain,
After I realized she danced to the sound of the bathtub drain.

Ever since she was a little runt,
She has had a problem with a grunt.
While young girls would be squeezing fresh lemons
Linda imagined fucking Richard Simmons.

Why would anyone eat Burger King whoppers?
Miss Piggie would just deepthroat grasshoppers.
I found out if I really wanted to charm her,
I just needed to dress up like a pig farmer.

I almost denied her a thrust from my pelvis,
Until she gave me her impersonation of elvis.
Now I can only hope that just maybe,
Weasel will end up having my baby.

Everything that was brilliantly rhymed above is all true. Linda is going to attempt to spit some rhymes on me, but have no fear, the only person that will need a burn unit is Linders.

Hey friends. It’s pretty late and I have been out drinking tonight.

Here are some things you should probably know:

I went out tonight with Dorothy, Linda’s fucking lush friend, to a place called The Other Place. This is the first time I’ve ever been to a place that made me wish I knew what another place would be.

After introducing myself as Chad to a bunch of tough, old dudes that could have curb stomped me, I left with the quickness back home.

I ate some of Twill’s bread and butter with my bare hands (sorry twill, I will buy you an icecream)

I ate Brad’s Captain Crunch with a fork (sorry brad, I will buy you a car)

My satin sheets never looked more comfortable

You have the following to look forward to:

My St. James trip bloggory

Update on how people feel about my recently posted news

Pictures of my privates

Holy shit, this captain crunch has made me feel like nutsack. This is poisoned captain crunch. Do not eat captain crunch. Fuck my life, captain crunch.

Glasvegas. Listen. I dare you.

Readers rejoice… To follow the pictures, you will have a story as well. Waiting in a queue allows me to do things like this.

Twas the night before Vegas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except for my drunk ass with the both the TV and computer music blaring. Having had packed earlier, Twill was easily convinced to join me for a beer session at the local Sharkeez. Linda was working of course, so that was my motivation to go… That and I’m a raging alcoholic and Sharkeez is close.

We arrive and notice that Nizuts and B-Rad are already there so we join them. They immediately talk about sports while Twill joins in, and all the while I continue to drink harder. Drinks continued and the proposed 1 pitcher turned into several and the proposed no shots turned into several as well. Linda decides to make this a great time to tell Twill shit that I never wanted her to, and in turn I slap her in the vagina. Andy Davis shows up from taking the longest trip ever to and from regret and joins us for some drinks. Being all hammered, I tell Linda to come over, knowing very well that in about 13-14 minutes there’s no way I’m going to be awake. We go home, picking up some booze on the way home for our arrival in Vegas the next afternoon. I get home, take a shower, throw the remainder of shit I need to pack in my suitcase and I crank up my music and lay down. Realizing that I’m getting more and more tired, I then turn on the TV to a louder level so I can stay awake. Then, 14 seconds later, I was passed the fuck out. Turns out it was okay because she had to go home anyway.

Morning comes, and I am tired as balls. I grab all the last minute goods and we head to the car. We grab some Burger King and I get money from the ATM and we are off to the airport. We arrive at the airport, meet Andrew Davis, and goto the boarding area. Much like everything in life, it takes Andy an extraordinary amount of time to actually make it through the screening process. This process will continue. Being dehydrated as shit, I grab a water and sit and relax as I await for our boarding, which will be very last. We board the incredibly full flight and need to split up into different sections. Twill being a retard sits in between two incredibly old men. Andy sits next to two decently looking younger ladies and I sit in between 1 older lady and 1 about my age girl.

On the flight I pull out my book that Linders gave me, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max. I read the shit out of it laughing to myself during the humorous parts. The younger girl next to me notices that I am reading the book and sparks up a conversation, saying “Is that the Tucker Max book?”  I say “Yes, it is, my girlfriend bought it for me, I think she thinks I might be an awful person.. ” She laughs and I turn away as to not talk anymore because I was pretty into the chapter I was in. 3/4ths into the flight I have my book down and am sitting rather restlessly in my seat. The girl wakes up and I start up conversation asking where she is from, which to my non-surprise have already forgotten. She tells me and starts asking me questions about what I do, etc. Then she turns to me and says, “You know, I’m going to a conference in Vegas.. My husband is already there and we are going to meet up with some of his family… I haven’t told anybody this yet, but I’m pregnant… I can tell you because.. well I don’t know you.” (some might call this foreshadowing). In turn I tell her, “Well have fun in Vegas, I guess that means you can’t get wasted, right?” Some might call me a sage because I have a lot of wise, heartfelt advice.

We arrive in Vegas! The dudes and I reunite and share our airplane stories and head to baggage. Andy, being suave and a lady killer, goes up to his girls he met on the plane and gave him his cell phone number.. No surprises.. .They never called. We grab a Taxi and off we are to our hotel, New York New York. We are riding with the taxi driver and all of a sudden it hits me. WE ARE IN VEGAS! I turn to the taxi driver and say, “You know, you are going to have to forgive me, but I just realized we are in Vegas, and it makes me pretty happy.” He laughs and then we start talking about the weather, what we are doing this weekend, etc, and I continue to get psyched.

We arrive at the airport and the drinking starts almost immediately in our hotel room. Twill notices his compressed cans of red bull magically exploded on the airplane and soaked a few of his shirts. This does not stop the drinking. Being a lightweight bitch, I am fairly intoxicated after 3 fairly strong made drinks. You know, at this point since we are to meet my brother and my mom up later for dinner, you would think maybe it would be about time to slow down, maybe rest from our trip, etc. But no… That wasn’t what was going to happen. What WAS going to happen was walking on the strip, drinking tall ass Paris margaritas, getting hustled for $10 dollars on the strip, sitting in a bar and yelling loudly while being slumped over, leaving the bar while my friends held me and I walked clumsily and drunkenly back to our hotel room, hitting on every girl I saw and starting fights with every guy that I saw, and trying to get run over by traffic… That’s what was going to happen… And it did.

Nap time was upon me then. 4 hours later, Twill and Andy came back from gambling, fucking each other, or whatever they were doing, to tell me it was time for dinner with my family. Waking up is not something I remember. I was still very hammered and looking at the pictures, I have now confirmed it. From what I understand, I wrestled Twill and Andy, got thrown on the ground, screamed shit on the phone to Linda, and in turn got hung up on the phone by Linda. Sounds like the perfect way to start off a family dinner? You bet your ass.

Arriving at the MGM, I still had only a small idea of what was going on. Twill and Andy have by now walked off ahead of me and I am left to be confused and alone. I decide to start looking for myself. Good thing my drunk ass was discovered quickly by none other than Birthday Ole himself. The family gathers and then decides to go to the MOST EXPENSIVE FUCKING BUFFET IN THE UNIVERSE. But hey, I’m drunk and in Vegas, so who gives a shit, right? I throw my 20 or 30 dollars down and head in, grabbing mounds and mounds of unhealthy shit as I make my way around the buffet lines. I am pulling crab legs apart at the table with my bare hands, and in turn the crab legs are pulling my bare hands apart. I am now yelling stuff out at the table, demanding the waitresses bring me more water, making my mom question why she kept me, etc. So after our nice and pleasant dinner, I thought it was about time for some more drinking.

We make it 15 feet out of the buffet and Nick and Shannon find a machine they want to play on. “Want some drinks?”, I ask. “Yes”, they respond. I goto the bar and order 4 drinks. I am then looking at myself in the bar mirrors and see that I’m moving back and forth a lot. I then ask for a waiter for some water, thinking it will be a cure. I chug the ever living shit out of the water and then ask for another. The bartender is giving me suspicious looks at this time. I chug that and then retain the other 4 drinks. He tells me it’s 45 dollars. Even at this point I think it’s expensive as SHIT, but I pay him. I then ask for another glass of water which I down with the quickness. Ole, Shannon and Twill now come over to the bar to get their drinks. I hand them out and then Shannon looks at me with some concern. “Jon, you don’t look very good.” “Ya, I don’t feel very good.” Apparently my face turned a few uncommon shades of white and off to the bathroom I went.

I was in horrific pain as I sat in the bathroom. I did not throw up, I did not shit… I just sat in the bathroom while my stomach asked me rudely to be expelled. Time passed… a lot of time… and I came to. I left the bathroom and rejoined the others. I looked at them and said it was go time and Twill joined me. We were so worn out from the day time festivities that nothing else was going to happen that night. I passed the fuck out, forgetting to call Linders, who was still probably angry at me from earlier. Remembering this at 2am was probably not the smartest thing as I did not account for the time difference when I called her. I have since listened to my 4am phone message that I left on Linda’s voicemail. All you need to know friends is that I am the most thoughtful, coolest, person you have ever met.. if you have been living on Pluto and have yet to make human contact.

The next day we woke up slowly and joined everyone for some McDonalds breakfast. Shortly after that, we started drinking again. Tequila Sunrises were my drink of choice as we made our way from hotel to hotel. It was an all day drunk that was enjoyable as it was spent amongst friends and family. We went back to one of my favorite casinos/bars, Bill’s. It’s basically WT and a half, but who can beat 2 dollar CANS OF BEERS?!?!??!? We continued to drink heavily, I smoked in front of my mom, Andy awkwardly hit on girls, Twill spit on Shannon and then we all hit on Shannon. We then ate at an amazing Mexican restaurant, Diablos. After eating that and feeling awful, Twill and I went back to the room, rested and drank more. The rest of them went to Cirque de Solei (it’s spelled wrong without a doubt). Twill and I went CLUBBING. Clubbing shirts on, we headed over the the Luxor. Still feeling mighty driz, we went up and talked to some ladies. There was a large group of them and I don’t remember anything about them. We then found another group of girls who were mostly less attractive, smaller in group size and more our speed. Twill and I decided to show one of them how to play blackjack. That lasted for a little bit, then we joined the group again. Then the chick asked me to go show her more blackjack. I showed her more, and then while I was showing her more blackjack, I also introduced a beer all over her dress. I laughed and walked back to the group saying, “Well that went well, I can expect not to hear form her anymore tonight”. But to my surprise, she joined us all again and then asked me to join her in the club they were going to. Twill was standing there drinking shots that the girls brought us. Twill then spit his drink back into the glass as he was going to vomit. He then kept spitting in the glass, which needless to say made every girl around him incredibly horny and into him.

Twill looked up the specs on this and we should have paid atleast 20-40 dollars to get into this place, but somehow we didn’t pay a dime. Andy joined us at this time, but only for a short time as they looked him over once and said “Ya, you don’t meet dress code”. Andy walked off in shame and we walked into the club, leaving our poor dude behind. The club was loud and hard to maneuver in. The girls that got us in stood with us for a little bit. The chick I spilled my drink on gave me some champagne, I drank it, and then walked away from her. I then made my way to the bathroom. This was the most exciting part of the night for me. On the ledge, there was ciggs for the taking and low and behold, A GIANT FUCKING BOTTLE OF CURVE CALOGNE. I imagine heaven having this massive bottle sitting and waiting for me as well. I tipped the bathroom attendant and walked back out. I amazingly found Twill grinding hilariously on some chick to Apple Bottom Jeans, or something similar. You will see a picture and you will know exactly what picture I am talking about when I say hilariously grinding. I hung out for a while and then hit a brick wall.. It was go time. I made my way out of the club without even trying to contact Twill. I made it back to New York New York and found a hot dog stand. I grabbed a hot dog and loaded the shit out of it with ketchup. Making my way through the casino, I was deep-throating this hot dog, getting ketchup and everything else disgusting all over my face. I wish I could see the video playback of me stumbling back to my room with ketchup smeared all over my face and hands while I continued to shove this bread covered meat log into my mouth. I throw the trash away in our bathroom container and pass the fuck out… again.

What I missed is that Twill later realized that I was not there, started to call me, couldn’t find out how he got there or where he was, dropped his phone on the floor, making it explode everywhere while he tried to pick it all up, and then finally made his way back to the room, also passing out immediately. Wished I could have witnessed all of that.

Saturday was a little more low key. We of course started drinking all day again. But spent more time gambling, eating, etc. Linda was on her way to a concert that night in KC and broke up with me over voicemail because she couldn’t find a good wardrobe to wear…. or something similar, I’m sure. In the Vegas part of the world, family were partying it up in Shannon and Nick’s hotel room. There were many eats and many beers and they were destroyed. I was again wasted. Twill broke a cheese block over my face and sack punched me. Andy was nipping hardcore for all the ladies to see. And Shannon was crying because she loved Nick something fierce. By the end of the night I was hamboned and hit another brick wall. There were a lot of brick walls in Vegas and they all had my name on it. I headed back to the room while Twill hit on multiple ladies and Andy lost 450 dollars… alone…

Sunday was go time. I got back together with Linda with a text message asking “Hey would you like to get back together with me? A.) Yes B.) I’m a fucking bitch and my asian life would be ruined if I wasn’t with an amazing piece of man meat like you”

We were hungover and depleted of any sort of vitamin that would sustain human existence. We made it on the airplane and more ladies asked about my Tucker Max book. Andy and I read passages to each other. Twill slept. We made it back, grabbed our bags and drove home.

There was probably more involved and probably a lot more stories involved, but hey.. That’s what I got right now, friends. You should be so happy that this blog finally got written.